02.18.07
A Little Reflection on the Year of the Pig
Today is Chinese New Year. As I’m sure most of you know, each year is represented by a different animal. I guess it’s kind of like a zodiac sign. I’m not into zodiac signs at all, but for those interested, the year 2007 is the year of the “pig.” Oink, oink. Apparently, the Chinese have a 15-day celebration for the new year. More can be read about it here.
Among all the New Year festivities, there’s that natural tendency to reflect upon the past year. So I looked back at what I had written in my journal last February 18, 2006. I found I was very sentimental, so won’t share what I wrote here! Ha! Then I looked back the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and found that I still don’t want to re-write on my “public” blog what I had written, ha ha! I can definitely say that the years after AA have been quite the learning experience for me in terms of health, life, and myself. I’ve never been much into evaluating myself, so these past 7 years have been quite the eye opener for me. So many things have happened. One thing I can say, is that I still have trouble “expressing” my inner feelings. I think part of it comes from my life-long training of not wanting to offend anyone. Respect, politeness, and all that. And part of it comes from not wanting to expose my vulnerability. I think that trying to be respectful and polite has merit to some point, but if taken to extreme, I could easily end up being a doormat. And it has been these past 7 years when I stopped being that doormat. I still feel I’m going against the grain (that is, what has been in-grained in me since childhood) when I exercise my right to do what “I” want particularly for the things I think is right. The difference now is I tend to be more appalled by the audacity of some people to treat others like doormats in the first place. I these days I just won’t stand it. I look at all the people I have admired, and they have been those who stood up for what was right. I no longer buy that idea that truth is relative. I believe there is real truth, and not just what is true for one person is true. I understand that one person’s reality may be different from another person’s reality, but it does not change whether things are true or not, just the perception.
So again this year I can see that I’m feeling sentimental. Maybe it has something to do with the new moon? Ha! One thing I don’t mind commenting on to compare last year’s February 18, 2006 entry to this year is that I wrote that it had just rained the day before. This year the day before (which translates to yesterday) was very warm and sunny. The forecast was for rain today, but it’s still lovely out. To capture the moment I ran outside and took a picture looking left and right on my street. As you can see, it is quite a lovely day. I think I’ll go out and enjoy it.
Have a wonderful day,
Marlakins
Andrea said,
February 19, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Marla, you certainly have a lovely street, and it certainly is a beautiful day. Or, was. No–it’s 7 here, so it’s only 4 there, so you’re still having it!
I am very interested in what you wrote about speaking up, about telling the truth. I have had the same problem my entire life, and it’s gotten me into a lot of trouble. Somewhere along the line I learned that a Good Person is Agreeable, and that’s just not so! I remember what a shock it gave me when I realized that Jesus was Not Nice! Good, yes–nice, no. He wasn’t afraid to tell the truth when the truth needed to be told, to name names and point fingers.
It has been very hard for me to learn to speak up, to be honest, to call people on things that need to be commented on. My deepest regrets are from being silent when I should have spoken up.
Everyone’s truth needs to be respected.
Thanks for the post Marla, g’night, Andrea
patti said,
February 20, 2007 at 7:16 am
Neat to see your “home.” Sun????? Lucky you.
It’s amazing how a life changing experience will change us from the inside out. And I think it can either be for the good in learning new things about ourselves and others or the bad by becoming bitter and angry. Congrats on allowing God to use your AA experience for the good. And it is “allowing” him, because many won’t let him help them through an experience like that.
patti
Administrator said,
February 20, 2007 at 10:34 am
Hi Andrea:
Ah, nice to meet another person who can relate! Isn’t it tough finding that happy medium? I’m still trying to figure out if the happy medium is a good place to be, anyway. And you’re absolutely right about Jesus not always being agreeable! I learned that not too long ago as well (during my AA recovery when I decided to finally read the Bible from cover to cover for the first time in my life even though I had been a Christian since I was 18. . . erp). I noticed that in the Bible Jesus had no problem about telling people that they were hypocrites–i.e. the Pharisees being like white-washed tombstones with dead men’s bones and them taking advantage of the widows. I guess at this point part of balancing act is “when is it necessary” to speak out? I think there are some times when it’s probably a good idea to keep quiet–i.e. Correct not a fool lest he hate you. So in that instance, I would just as well not bother trying to point out what I perceive as an error to a fool. It’s useless and who wants to get a fool on your bad side? So learning decernment is something that I still need to learn. I imagine there are lots of people like us who take time to figure out that we need to speak up for what’s right, oye this is a good topic to discuss because it reminds me of various wars where people were so compliant to their detriment. And again, I know what you mean about keeping “silent” when it was probably best to speak up.
Thanks for the comments. It is really good sometimes to know that other people struggle with the same issues. Actually I do know that we all struggle with similar issues (the Bible says there is nothing that is uncommon to man, meaning we all have similar encounters, for a lack of a better word! Or maybe the example that there is nothing new under the sun–Solomon, which is a clearer statement), but sometimes you feel alone with it.
Marla
Administrator said,
February 20, 2007 at 10:49 am
Hey Patti:
The point you make about letting experiences make a positive or negative impact on us is something that I’ve been noticing along the way as well! What I’ve noticed is that even when some people get really, really sick, they don’t see it as an indication that possibly they need a change in life. Instead you find people thinking and saying that they aren’t going to let their illness slow them down or interfere with their life. They look at it like a bump in the road rather than an opportunity to learn from it. I’m not really sure how people can be like that. When I got sick, so many things that I thought were important were no longer important. So I’m not really sure I can relate to those people. Although one thing that has crossed my mind is that I was very uptight and possibly I had lots that needed changing that became very clear? Along these lines, I’ve noticed that some people who get really sick get really mean, while others who get really sick get really nice. I’ve wondered what makes that difference? Brian says that some people who are really sick can’t help being mean because they’re sick! Ha! And I can understand that because the mind is part of our health. But how does that explain the nice ones? And this brought up how uptight I was, while Brian tended to be calmer. One thing we have found out in Chinese herbal medicine is that people with weak kidneys/adrenals tend to be more worried and fearful. I’m suspecting my weak kidneys/adrenals likely played a part with how emotional I was when confronted with all the stress of illness and doctors, etc. So I’ve thought I’d like to keep my peepers out on how people react and see if there really is a connection to this weak adrenals and fear or worry. Possibly the angry people have congested livers? Hmmm. Anyway, I’m leaning toward the idea that the way a person responds to illness is likely due to both their physical health as well as their mental attitude. What do you think?
Marla
Andrea said,
February 20, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Hey Marla–I think that attitude is really the most important factor. Have you read Man’s Search for Meaning? It’s a memoir of a guy who was in a Nazi concentration camp. And he noticed that there was one thing the Nazis couldn’t take away from anyone, and that was their attitude. It’s the one thing you always own.
So I’ve noticed that when illness or “bad” things happen to people, some see it as just horrible, they’re victims, and some like you say don’t want it to slow them down. But Rob saw it as a learning experience, as a letter from God. And that has helped him more than anything.
To me, a positive attitude and faith are the same thing. If you believe that God is good, then there’s got to be a good purpose for everything, even for the things that, to human eyes, seem “bad.” I remember the relief my young adult son expressed when I said, Look, in life there are only two experiences–Good experiences and learning experiences. That helped him, because he kept feeling he shouldn’t make any mistakes, he was afraid of mistakes. But mistakes are good! You learn from them! (Not that this is fun.)
Joy to y’all, Andrea
patti said,
February 20, 2007 at 10:08 pm
I like your chinese medicine relationship between different parts of the body and emotions. I can see that. I don’t know what it is that makes people be positive or negative in situations. I’ve seen both. I always tend to be a glass half full person. I might be having a bad day, I might be struggling with something serious but at the end of the day when I put my head on my pillow I can always say, “God knows all and sees all and is not surprised by any of this. Let him have his way.” I know other people that just get angry at the situation and that anger turns to bitterness. The bible says that bitterness defiles not just the inward man but everyone one around him. But it seems like it’s a personality thing also. Maybe it’s how God created each of us differently? Maybe it’s a little how our parents raise us? It’s definately spiritual. It seems that those that walk closer to the Lord seem more positive, more willing to see the need to change. Those that don’t get more bitter, etc.
Just a few thoughts. Gotta jet.
patti
Administrator said,
February 21, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Hi Andrea:
No, I haven’t read that book, but it looks like one to put on my reading list. I really enjoy reading other people’s stories. I feel I’ve learned quite a few things just from reading other people’s experiences. And I look upon others with more patience and compassion. Course there are some experiences that I’ll never know, but even so, sometimes I find somethings that I can relate to as far as some of their feelings. For instance, right now I’m reading a book called, “A Small Corner of Hell,” by Anna Politkovskaya. Apparently, this is the lady journalist who was murdered and whom that former Russian KGB spy, Litvenenko, was investigating her murder before he got that mysterious polonium-210 poisoning. From this book it seems that she was an outspoken journalist reporting on the war in Chechnya. She wrote a bunch of short stories of people she knew and interviewed during the second Chechnyan war. She documents the brutality that was committed on the civilians by the Russian military and the feelings these people had. One thing that struck me was that this was going on during the time I was first diagnosed with AA. I was having my own personal battle, while thousands of other people were also suffering and fearing for their lives. Honestly, I was not watching the news at that time, so didn’t know any of this was going on. Completely oblivious to thousands of people dying. Anyway, one thing she wrote that struck me was about the loneliness people feel when faced with possible death. She wrote, “Still, there is loneliness. Death is the one situation where you can never find companionship. . . ” That struck me because I remember being in a room full of people, yet still feeling utterly alone and distant. I felt like a dead person viewing the living. As if I lived in a separate realm. I often thought that that feeling might be common amongst those who have fought serious illnesses, but never realized that people fearing for their lives during war times also felt that feeling. I’ve spoken to Brian about it, but as I mentioned before, he’s much more calm about these things. He definitely has had more peace and faith and trust in God. I think I’m much better about it now, too, but then again, I’m doing well right now. It’s easy to feel peace when you’re doing well. Anyway, I guess this just brings me to the thoughts again of why people react one way, and then others yet still react a different way. Politkovskaya wrote that some of these people ended up doing things that you’d never expect they’d do. It’s as if some people have a breaking point. And that point varies with each person. So is it attitude? I don’t know. Since you mentioned the Nazi, you know how we read that they had Jews man the incinerators. You kinda wonder why they’d do that, how could you “help” the enemy. Yet, when faced with life and death, people make choices, some selfish choices and others stick to their principles. I’m “guessing” most people chose selfishness, like beating someone else for a morsel of bread.
Another feeling that struck me was jealousy. Politkovskaya wrote about illness during the war. It’s common during war time for the people to lack food. This in turn translates into sicknesses. Some people seemed angry at others who were “not” sick. As if they should be suffering, too. There was that kind of feeling going on as well. I remember when I was in a really bad way with lots of transfusions under my belt. I would look at people, some of them obese and others stuffing themselves with junk foods. I would feel like, how can they get away with that and not be sick? In a way, I think that was kind of a jealousy like those people in the wars. So, like the Bible says, there are nothing uncommon to man. I don’t have to go to war to feel similar feelings (I think).
How do people keep a positive attitude? I’m sure Brian would say those who love God and trust in Him are more likely to be able to keep a positive attitude. Makes sense to me.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Marla
Administrator said,
February 21, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Hey Patti:
What you wrote reminded me of another passage in the Bible, ha! “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Basically, don’t carry your anger and grudges from day to day. Let it go. Like I’ve mentioned before, I really do think that the Bible is very practical and teaches us how to live our lives well. I think that the Bible is spiritualized too often, and a lot of practical advise is lost or ignored. There are so many passages regarding keeping a good, positive attitude. I think that advise is there for our good. Those people who turn to bitterness appear to not be following the advise given in the Bible. And how many times have we seen Christians doing things not advised in the Bible? I know I’m guilty, but it confuses other people. For instance, one woman told me that she didn’t understand why Christians feared death if they have another place to go? And that is such a valid question! My response is that just because some people are Christian doesn’t mean that they don’t have weaknesses or that they are fully following the teachings in the Bible. We are told not to fear. That fear is not from God, yet many Christians fear. . . And I have been guilty, myself. And this is why I understand why the Bible tells us to meditate day and night on the word of God. Because we need to do that to remember things and to live by them.
Anyway, must dash for now. I really appreciate your comments and thoughts.
Marla
Andrea said,
February 21, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Hi Marla–And thank you for your comments, too- I should get to bed, but just wanted to mention that awhile ago I noticed with surprise that the only emotion forbidden by the 10 commandments is envy!
This really struck me, because I’ve seen jealousy really destroy people. It tends to get ahold of me, too–my aunt once warned me, “It runs in the family.” I think jealousy can be the seed emotion for the other baddies–anger, bitterness, depression.
Andrea
Administrator said,
February 22, 2007 at 10:45 am
Oh! Good thoughts, Andrea. That reminds me that Brian and I had discussed this a while ago. What I had asked him (I tend to ask him all sorts of stuff because he is much more knowledgeable about the Bible than I especially since he did go to a Christian College that taught some pretty good classes in apologetics) what is the difference between “jealousy” and “envy?” I know that our dictionary tends to be very similar in definition and we even use the words interchangably. But in the Bible I think those two words are different. The reason I think this is because, as you pointed out, we are commanded to “not envy.” Then on the other hand, God says that He is a “jealous” God. God can not sin, therefore, I don’t think jealousy, in the sense that God describes Himself, is a sinful emotion. It doesn’t say that God is “envious,” but “jealous.” What Brian and I have considered is that perhaps “envy” is wanting something that you “shouldn’t” have. That is sinful, and again I agree with you, that “envy” seems to be the root by which all the other baddies enter–i.e. you want something you shouldn’t have, so you do things unlawful to get that like stealing, cheating, lying, etc. While jealousy is rightfully feeling want or protection for something that you should have–i.e. a husband has the right to feel jealous if another man is trying to attract his wife. That should be a “normal” emotion and not sin. Other emotions like “anger” is also not technically sin. The Bible says to “be angry, but do not sin.” So I do believe there is an appropriate time for anger (and even jealousy, for that matter), but what you do with that anger is where sin might creep in.
So now that you’ve brought that up, I’m trying to reflect on what my feelings were. Was I jealous or was I envious? To be honest, I’m not sure! Ha! But at least I can truly say that I did not do anything unlawful to appease my jealousy or envy. Nor do I think I treated anyone harshly because I was “envious” of their good health and good veins! Ha! Veins was another thing I used to look at. At one point mine were getting so abused that I would notice people with good veins and wish mine were as healthy, ha ha ha. I worked on my veins, and fortunately we were able to figure out which were good and use them. Gee, I used to also look at skin color like the reddness in people’s lips, etc. Wow, it has been awhile, so I had forgotten all these things!
Anyway, I like how you mention that envy was the only emotion prohibited. I had not thought of that.
Have a nice day!
Marla
BTW, it’s not sunny today. . . seems rain is trying to catch up to us here.
Andrea said,
February 22, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Hi Marla, My favorite Bible passage about envy is the parable Jesus tells where the the farmer says to some envious workers–”Take what is yours and go.”
And this is how I explain in my mind the “jealous God” thing–also the “righteous” jealousy of a woman whose husband is cheating on her.
God has a right to what is His–us. So, if something is yours, and someone takes it from you, and you feel jealousy, it’s not a sin. But wanting something that is not yours–that is.
Maybe that’s the difference between jealousy and envy, or maybe they’re the same, but there’s the OK kind and the not-OK kind.
A.