We have a friend right now whose husband has Alz. and we’ve been helping her along the way with information. Forget natural, she’s too medical, but one thing that really got us was she put him in a home because she couldn’t live her life and take care of him. It makes me so mad! I look at what mom gave up and what she did (and she was taking care of Marie!) and it was because she was committed to dad. This guy does not need to be in a home yet and he keeps trying to get out. They are sedating him to keep him there and told her she shouldn’t visit so much because it upsets him! It makes my blood boil thinking about it. So far, we have not responded to that one because we haven’t figured out a nice way to say she’s making a huge mistake.

If the Lord ever sees fit to put us in this position I told Ron I would hire someone to come into our home and help me if that’s what we needed. I will not put him away from his home, his surroundings, his wife, etc. You are so right about the two family working thing and people not having the “time” to take care of the elderly. It’s so wrong. It’s something we really tried to show our kids in taking care of mom and dad. You do it because it’s part of “honoring thy father and mother.” Not because it’s easy or convenient. Ohhh, I’m gettin’ a little hot here.

Dad did some things that were so hard on mom but as we look back we laugh at them. One time dad told mom that if he weren’t married already he’d marry her because she was so nice and lovely. Sweet, huh? They had one of those kitchens where you could walk all the way around it in a circle through the living room and family room then back to the kitchen. One day dad walked in the kitchen and said, “wait here, there’s a lady that looks just like you over there!” Then he ran the other direction back into the kitchen and told her that again about the “other woman.” Anyways, some stuff is really funny. Other stuff was not. He told her he’d shoot her one time while he was pointing the broom handle at her. Okay, it’s funny now, but it wasn’t then.

Andrea, we did what you did. We just played along with dad’s fantasies. At one point he showed Ron that he had $1500 cash in his pocket!! He had been taking it and hiding it because he was sure mom was trying to steal from him. Ron told him, “oh, that’s okay, dad. I’ll hide it for you and she won’t find it.” So we played right into his fantasies and he did much better then the times mom tried to convince him of “normal” things.

While I know mom wouldn’t change a thing in taking care of dad until the end, it did cost her life. It was then that the infection in her root canal let loose and we do think that started the whole MDS thing. She was dx just over a year after dad died.

I read a lot of books (and mom did) when dad was dx and I found them helpful. But most of what I read were stories people wrote about taking care of their parents. I think they helped us to figure out to handle dad best. Another well thought out post, Marla. How on earth do you find time to read all this stuff? The reading stack on my bedside is now over 18inches high. Oh my gosh!! I won’t get through it all until our next MH trip (sometime in ‘09).

Gotta jet.

patti

Wow, so you’ve experienced Alzheimer’s, too? You’ve had your share of challenges, haven’t you?

I think Alzheimer’s patients and families have it a bit harder than if they were dealing with some other diseases because there is a tendency for people to think negatively towards mental illnesses. I guess because we are so conditioned to follow certain types of behavior that when we deviate from what’s “norm,” it’s a bit shocking to others. And for those of us who don’t want to stick out in the crowds, it’s even more frightening to think that you or your loved one would be doing weird things in public. I guess it’s the lack of control part that is so unsettling on top of the overall physical decline in a person. So it’s really feat to be able to find a place or way of dealing with an Alzheimer’s patient so that you are both respectful to the patient, and also so that you’re not so hard on yourself. I say that because Kessler wrote about how Alzheimer’s patients need so much care and “watching over.” Kessler wrote about how often times families try to take care of their family member with Alzheimer’s themselves, but then after a while it’s so exhausting that they can’t provide them with the care they need 24/7, so that’s why it’s so common for them to go to assisted living communities. So it’s not “always” the case that the elderly just get tucked away where no one can see them, but rather because it’s so hard to care for them without some help. It’s not like you can tell an Alzheimer patient something and expect them to remember it. They forget so quickly that you’ll likely have to repeat things over and over again, day after day in addition to having to feed, cloth, and toilet them. More work than taking care of a baby!

It’s considering stuff like that that I feel reading Kessler’s book helped me to sort out my feelings a bit more on the subject. By now I’ve learned that our bodies can do weird things! So it’d good to consider these things so that they don’t just spring up on us while we’re so unprepared. You know what I mean? Not that I’m preparing for Alzheimer’s, but it’s just something that I really knew so little about. I have a new-found appreciation for what the people I know of who are dealing with family members with Alzheimer’s are going through.

Regarding alternatives, yeah that’s a tough one. I was just going over a book called Preventing and Reversing Osteoporosis by Alan R. Gaby. On page 240 in a section called Conventional Medicine Resists New Ideas, Gaby writes this:

“So, if all of this seems so logical and promising, why is it that so few doctors are providing their patients with the kind of information we are discussing? Why is it that the average doctor is either totally unaware of this work or simply rejects it out of hand as “unproven”? While I can only guess at the reason for the resistance of the medical profession to nutritional and natural therapies, this attitude is certainly not new or unusual. As far back as the eighteenth century, when Sir James Lind discovered the cure for scurvy, his findings were ignored for fifty years. Today, things are often no better.”

I’ve read different articles that claim similar things, and even when there is good research out there, it takes a long time for it to become universal knowledge. One example is blood typing. They were transfusion blood before they understood about blood typing. Some people would die from the wrong typing, but they didn’t realize what the problem was. Landsteiner discovered blood compatibility (A, B, O system) about 20 years “before” the blood transfusion docs/techs started to pay attention to it.

As far as the patients ignoring or dismissing alternatives, that’s another story, ha! I do agree with you that at times I sense that my AA recovery is downplayed, too. But I also know that it’s not something everyone can do because it does take a lot of discipline and patience, and at times things did get scary. I also think that some people just don’t understand it and think that I did “nothing” and my AA just went away. I think in those situations, it might be helpful for those people to take an earnest interest and effort in learning about the body and nutrition. I think that’s another reason I’m finding these POW books so interesting because they had first hand experience in observing what happens to the body with improper nutrition. I’m sure there are other reasons intermingled in there, too like “trust” in the medical community and all. But I’ve learned to accept that and frankly, I’m just glad that I’m on this side at the moment. Thank God!

Take care!

Marla

I too have puzzled about why alternatives don’t seem to make it into so many accounts of illness, when they have been so successful. Even your success with AA seems to me to be downplayed somewhat on the forum–not ignored completely, but not given the attention it seems to me it should merit.

I really don’t understand it.

Happy Sunday! Andrea